The Twilight Saga 3: Eclipse Chapter 22. FIRE AND ICE

THE WIND SHOOK THE TENT AGAIN, AND I SHOOK WITH IT.The temperature was dropping. I could feel it by the down bag, through my jacket. I was fully dressed, my hiking boots salvage laced into place. It didnt make any difference. How could it be so ice-cold? How could it keep failting colder? It had to bottom place sometime, didnt it?W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it? I compel the rule books through my rattling teeth.Two, Edward seted.Edward sat as far from me as possible in the cramped quadriceps, afraid to even breathe on me when I was already so cold. It was too dark to tell his face, save his voice was wild with worry, indecision, and frustration.Maybe . . .No, Im f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-re ally. I dont w-w-w- pauperism to g-go outside.Hed tried to talk me into reservation a run for it a dozen times already, exclusively I was terrified of leaving my shelter. If it was this cold in here, protected from the raging divagate, I could imagine how bad it would be if we were running through it.And it would waste all our efforts this afternoon. Would we stir luxuriant time to reset ourselves when the storm was over? What if it didnt remainder? It do no sense to move now. I could shiver my representation through one night.I was demented that the trail I had displace would be befuddled, alone he promised that it would still be plain to the overture monsters.What can I do? he almost begged.I exactly shook my head.Out in the snow, Jacob whined unhappily.G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-ere, I ordered, once oftentimes.Hes reasoncapable brainsick more(prenominal) or less you, Edward translated. Hes fine. His body is equipped to deal with this.H-h-h-h-h-h. I wanted to formulate that he should still leave, only when I couldnt get it past my teeth. I nearly bit my tongue finish up arduous. At least Jacob did count to be well equipped for the snow, better even than the early(a)s in his family with his thicker, extensiveer, shaggy-haired russet fur. I wondered why that was.Jacob whimpered, a high-pitched, grating adept of complaint.What do you want me to do? Edward growled, too anxious to some(prenominal)er with politeness anymore. Carry her through that? I dont determine you making yourself useful. Why dont you go fetch a space heater or something?Im ok-k-k-k-k-k-kay, I protested. sound judgement from Edwards groan and the muted growl outside the tent, I hadnt convinced anyone. The sex rocked the tent roughly, and I shuddered in harmony with it.A sudden grizzle ripped through the roar of the learnd, and I covered my ears a pull aheadst the noise. Edward scowled.That was densely necessary, he muttered. And thats the whisk idea Ive ever visualised, he called more loudly.Better than anything youve come up with, Jacob answered, his human voice startling me. Go fetch a space heater, he grumbled. Im non a St. Bernard.I heard the sound of the nix around the tent door pulling swiftly down.Jacob slid through the smallest f ountain he could manage, charm the arctic air flowed in around him, a few flecks of snow falling to the floor of the tent. I shivered so hard it was a convulsion.I dont similar this, Edward hissed as Jake zipped the tent door shut. on the justton discontinue her the coat and get out.My eyes were adjusted enough to see shapes Jacob was carrying the parka that had been hanging on a tree next to the tent.I tried to ask what they were talking roughly, but all that came out of my verbalise was, W-w-w-w-w-w, as the shivering made me stutter un viewlably.The parkas for tomorrow shes too cold to warm it up by herself. Its frozen. He dropped it by the door. You say she necessary a space heater, and here I am. Jacob held his arms as long as the tent allowed. As mutual, when hed been running around as a wolf, hed altogether thrown on the bargon essentials just a copulate of sweats, no shirt, no shoes.J-J-J-J-Jake, youll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze, I tried to complain.Not me, he said ch eerfully. I run at a toasty one-oh-eight elevation nine these days. Ill use up you sweating in no time.Edward snarled, but Jacob didnt even look at him. Instead, he crawled to my side and started unzipping my sleeping bag.Edwards hand was all at once hard on his shoulder, restraining, snow white against the dark skin. Jacobs jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring, his body recoiling from the cold touch. The long muscles in his arms flexed automatically.Get your hand off of me, he growled through his teeth.Keep your hands off of her, Edward answered blackly.D-d-d-dont f-f-f-f- skin, I pleaded. A nonher tremor rocked through me. It felt ilk my teeth were going to shatter, they were slamming together so hard.Im sure as shooting shell thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off, Jacob snapped.Edward hesitated, because his hand wild remote and he slid back to his position in the corner.His voice was matted and frightening. Watch yourself.Jacob chuckled.Scoot over, Bell a, he said, zipping the sleeping bag open farther.I stargond at him in outrage. No wonder Edward was reacting this focal point.N-n-n-n-n, I tried to protest.Dont be stupid, he said, exasperated. Dont you worry having ten toes?He crammed his body into the nonexistent space, forcing the secure up behind himself.And then I couldnt object I didnt want to anymore. He was so warm. His arms constricted around me, holding me snugly against his bare chest. The heat was irresistible, like air after being underwater for too long. He cringed when I pressed my icy fingers eagerly against his skin.Jeez, youre freezing, Bella, he complained.S-s-s-s-sorry, I stuttered.Try to relax, he suggested as other shiver crinkly through me violently. Youll be warm in a minute. Of course, youd warm up faster if you took your clothes off.Edward growled sharply.Thats just a simple fact, Jacob def discontinueed himself. Survival one-oh-one.C-c-cut it out, Jake, I said angrily, though my body refused to eve n depict to pull away from him. N-n-n- nobody very n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes.Dont worry about the bloodsucker, Jacob suggested, and his government note was smug. Hes just green-eyed.Of course I am. Edwards voice was velvet again, under control, a musical murmur in the darkness. You dont put one across the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what youre doing for her, mongrel.Those are the breaks, Jacob said lightly, but then his touch sensation soured. At least you experience she wishes it was you.True, Edward agreed.The shuddering slowed, became bearable while they wrangled. on that point, Jacob said, pleased. Feeling better?I was finally able to speak clearly. Yes.Your lips are still blue, he mused. Want me to warm those up for you, too? You whole convey to ask.Edward sighed heavily.Be stomach yourself, I muttered, pressing my face against his shoulder. He flinched again when my cold skin touched his, and I smiled with slightly vindictive satisfaction.It was al ready warm and snug inside the sleeping bag. Jacobs body heat seemed to glisten from every side maybe because there was so much of him. I kicked my boots off, and pushed my toes against his legs. He jumped slightly, and then leaned his head down to press his hot plaque against my numb ear.I noticed that Jacobs skin had a woodsy, musky odor it fit the setting, here in the middle of the forest. It was nice. I wondered if the Cullens and the Quileutes werent just compete up that whole odor issue because of their prejudices. Everyone smelled fine to me.The storm howled like an animal attacking the tent, but it didnt worry me now. Jacob was out of the cold, and so was I. Plus, I was simply too exhausted to worry about anything tired from just staying awake so late, and aching from the muscle spasms. My body relaxed slowly as I thawed, piece by frozen piece, and then turned limp.Jake? I mumbled sleepily. Can I ask you something? Im not trying to be a catch or anything, Im honestl y curious. They were the same words hed used in my kitchen . . . how long ago was it now?Sure, he chuckled, remembering.Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You dont have to answer if Im being rude. I didnt see the rules for etiquette as they applied to werewolf culture.Because my hair is longer, he said, amused my move hadnt offended him, at least. He shook his head so that his unkempt hair grown out to his chin now tickled my cheek.Oh. I was surprised, but it made sense. So that was why theyd all cropped their hair in the beginning, when they coupled the pack. Then why dont you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?He didnt answer right away this time, and Edward laughed under his breath.Sorry, I said, pausing to yawn. I didnt mean to pry. You dont have to tell me.Jacob made an annoyed sound. Oh, hell tell you anyway, so I cleverness as well. . . . I was growing my hair out because . . . it seemed like you liked it better long.Oh. I felt awkward. I, er, like it both way s, Jake. You dont need to be . . . inconvenienced.He shrugged. Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so dont worry about it.I didnt have anything else to say. As the silence lengthened, my eyelids drooped and shut, and my airing grew slower, more even.Thats right, honey, go to sleep, Jacob whisper.I sighed, content, already half-unconscious.Seth is here, Edward muttered to Jacob, and I suddenly understood the point of the howling.Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you.Edward didnt answer, but I groaned groggily. Stop it, I muttered.It was quiet then, inside at least. Outside, the wind squall insanely through the trees. The shimmying of the tent made it hard to sleep. The poles would suddenly jerk and quiver, pulling me back from the edge of unconsciousness each time I was jam to slipping under. I felt so bad for the wolf, the male child that was stuck outside in the snow.My mind wandered as I waited for sleep to ins ure me. This warm light space made me call of the early days with Jacob, and I remembered how it used to be when he was my replacement sun, the warmth that made my empty life livable. It had been a while since Id mentation of Jake that way, but here he was, warming me again.Please Edward hissed. Do you mindWhat? Jacob whispered back, his olfactory perception up surprised.Do you speak out you could attempt to control your thoughts? Edwards low whisper was furious.No one said you had to listen, Jacob muttered, defiant, yet still embarrassed. Get out of my head.I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. Its like youre shouting them at me.Ill try to keep it down, Jacob whispered sarcastically. on that point was a brief moment of silence.Yes, Edward answered an unspoken thought in a murmur so low I barely made it out. Im overjealous of that, too.I figured it was like that, Jacob whispered smugly. Sort of evens the playing country up a little, doesnt it? Edward chuckled. In your dreams.You know, she could still change her mind, Jacob taunted him. Considering all the things I could do with her that you cant. At least, not without killing her, that is.Go to sleep, Jacob, Edward murmured. Youre starting to get on my nerves.I think I will. Im really very comfortable.Edward didnt answer.I was too far gone to ask them to stop talking about me like I wasnt there. The conversation had taken on a surrealistic quality to me, and I wasnt sure I was really awake.Maybe I would, Edward said after a moment, answering a question I hadnt heard. except would you be honest?You can continuously ask and see. Edwards tone made me wonder if I was missing out on a joke.Well, you see inside my head let me see inside yours tonight, its whole fair, Jacob said.Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?The jealousy . . . it has to be eating at you. You cant be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all.Of co urse it is, Edward agreed, no longer amused. even off now its so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, its even worse when shes away from me, with you, and I cant see her.Do you think about it all the time? Jacob whispered. Does it make it hard to concentrate when shes not with you?Yes and no, Edward said he seemed determined to answer honestly. My mind doesnt work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that Im always able to think of you, always able to wonder if thats where her mind is, when shes quiet and thoughtful.They were both still for a minute.Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you lots, Edward murmured in response to Jacobs thoughts. More often than I like. She worries that youre unhappy. Not that you dont know that. Not that you dont use that.I have to use whatever I can, Jacob muttered. Im not working with your advantages advantages like her astute shes in love with you.That facilitates, Edward agreed in a mild tone.Jacob was defiant. Shes in love with me, too, you know.Edward didnt answer.Jacob sighed. solely she doesnt know it.I cant tell you if youre right.Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what shes thinking, too?Yes . . . and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometimes drives me insane, Id alternatively she was happy.The wind ripped around the tent, shaking it like an earthquake. Jacobs arms tightened around me protectively. give thanks you, Edward whispered. Odd as this talent sound, I suppose Im glad youre here, Jacob.You mean, as much as Id love to kill you, Im glad shes warm, right?Its an uneasy truce, isnt it?Jacobs whisper was suddenly smug. I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am.Im not such a fool as to wear it on my sleeve like you do. It doesnt help your case, you know.You have more patience than I do.I should. Ive had a hundred geezerhood to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for her.So . . . at what point did you learn to play the very patient corking guy?When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. Its not usually this awkward to control. I can smother the . . . less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time. sometimes I think she sees through me, but I cant be sure.I think you were just worried that if you really durabilityd her to choose, she might not choose you.Edward didnt answer right away. That was a part of it, he finally admitted. nevertheless only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that shed hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. afterward Id pass judgment that she was more or less safe with you as safe as Bella ever is it seemed outdo to stop driving her to extremes.Jacob sighed. Id tell her all of this, but shed never believe me.I know. It sounded like Edward was smiling.You think you know everything, Jacob muttered.I dont know the future, Edward said, his voice suddenly unsure.There was a long pause.What would you do if she changed her mind? Jacob asked.I dont know that either.Jacob chuckled quietly. Would you try to kill me? Sarcastic again, as if doubting Edwards ability to do it.No.Why not? Jacobs tone was still jeering.Do you really think I would hurt her that way?Jacob hesitated for a secondment, and then sighed. Yeah, youre right. I know thats right. But sometimes . . .Sometimes its an intriguing idea.Jacob pressed his face into the sleeping bag to muffle his laugher. Exactly, he eventually agreed.What a strange dream this was. I wondered if it was the relentless wind that made me imagine all the whispering. Only the wind was screaming quite a than whispering . . .What is it like? Losing her? Jacob asked after a quiet moment, and there was no hint of humor in his suddenly hoarse voice. When you thought that youd lost her continuously? How did you . . . cope?Thats very difficult for me to talk about.Jacob waited.There were two divers(prenominal) times that I thought that. Edward spoke each word just a little slower than normal. The first time, when I thought I could leave her . . . that was . . . almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadnt touched her life. For over vi months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I wouldnt interfere again. It was getting close I was fighting but I knew I wasnt going to win I would have come back . . . just to check on her. Thats what I would have told myself, anyway. And if Id found her reasonably happy . . . I like to think that I could have gone away again.But she wasnt happy. And I would have stayed. Thats how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me . . . what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but shes right. Ill n ever be able to make up for that, but Ill never stop trying anyway.Jacob didnt respond for a moment, listening to the storm or digesting what hed heard, I didnt know which.And the other time when you thought she was dead? Jacob whispered roughly.Yes. Edward answered a different question. It will probably feel like that to you, wont it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as Bella anymore. But thats who shell be.Thats not what I asked.Edwards voice came back fast and hard. I cant tell you how it felt. There arent words.Jacobs arms flexed around me.But you left because you didnt want to make her a bloodsucker. You want her to be human.Edward spoke slowly. Jacob, from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didnt feel as strongly for me if she got over me and travel on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me a s a . . . living stone hard and cold. Thats true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. Theres no going back. . . .The second alternative, the one Id originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasnt a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldnt be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all on that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years it would seem like a very, very short time to me. . . . But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us . . . waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldnt get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human.So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst slew of my very lo ng life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didnt work, and it very nearly killed us both.What do I have left but the fourth option? Its what she wants at least, she thinks she does. Ive been trying to mark off her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but shes very . . . stubborn. You know that. Ill be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September. . . .I like option one, Jacob muttered.Edward didnt respond.You know exactly how much I hate to accept this, Jacob whispered slowly, but I can see that you do love her . . . in your way. I cant argue with that anymore.Given that, I dont think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think theres a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadnt jumped off a cliff in March . . . and if youd waited another six months to check on her. . . . Well , you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan.Edward chuckled. Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought-out plan.Yeah. Jake sighed. But . . . , suddenly he was whispering so fast the words got tangled, give me a year, bl Edward. I really think I could make her happy. Shes stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but shes capable of healing. She would have recovered before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Rene, and she could grow up, and have kids and . . . be Bella.You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks youre very unselfish . . . are you really? Can you make the idea that I might be better for her than you are?I have considered it, Edward answered quietly. In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and youre strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You have do that already, and Il l owe you for that for as long as I live forever whichever comes first. . . .I even asked Alice if she could see that see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldnt, of course. She cant see you, and then Bellas sure of her course, for now.But Im not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I wont try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, Im here.And if she were to decide that she wanted me? Jacob challenged. Okay, its a long shot, Ill give you that.I would let her go. precisely like that?In the sense that Id never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, you might leave her someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldnt have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen.Jacob snorted quietly. Well, youve been much more honest than I had any right to expect . . . Edward. thank for letting me in your head.As I said, Im feeling oddly pleasurable for your presence i n her life tonight. It was the least I could do. . . . You know, Jacob, if it werent for the fact that were indwelling enemies and that youre also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.Maybe . . . if you werent a disgusting vampire who was provision to suck out the life of the girl I love . . . well, no, not even then.Edward chuckled.Can I ask you something? Edward said after a moment.Why would you have to ask?I can only hear if you think of it. Its just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife . . . ?What about it?Edward didnt answer, listening to the story in Jacobs head. I heard his low hiss in the darkness.What? Jacob demanded again.Of course, Edward seethed. Of course I rather wish your elders had kept that story to themselves, Jacob.You dont like the leeches being painted as the bad guys? Jacob mocked. You know, they are. Then and now.I really couldnt care less about that part. Cant you guess which character Bella would identify with?It took Jacob a minute. Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point.She wants to be there in the clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it. He sighed. That was the secondary reason for my staying with her tomorrow. Shes quite imaginative when she wants something.You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did.Neither side meant any harm, Edward whispered, peace-making now.And when does this little truce end? Jacob asked. First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?There was a pause as they both considered.First light, they whispered together, and then laughed quietly.Sleep well, Jacob, Edward murmured. Enjoy the moment.It was quiet again, and the tent held still for a few minutes. The wind seemed to have decided that it wasnt going to flatten us after all, and was giving up the fight.Edward groaned softly. I didnt mean that quite so literally.Sorry, Jacob whispered. You could leav e, you know give us a little privacy.Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob? Edward offered.You could try, Jacob said, unconcerned. It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldnt it?Dont tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isnt that perfect.Jacob whispered a laugh. Id rather not move just now, if you dont mind.Edward started humming to himself, louder than usual trying to drown out Jacobs thoughts, I assumed. But it was my lullaby he hummed, and, despite my growing discomfort with this whispered dream, I sank deeper into unconsciousness . . . into other dreams that made better sense. . . .